cindy9000

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 18:45:51 GMT

Live blogging my neighbor

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 20:26:16 GMT

Location: My couch, 1 pm, Saturday afternoon. All the windows and doors are open. I start to hear the low tones of a female voice echoing outside. Sounds tend to carry well here as they bounce off the stucco among the eight condos in my little area. My porch sits over the one below mine and attaches to that of the condo next door. From my own porch I can see onto the porches of four neighbors across the way.

"Oh my gosh."

"Oh my gosh!"

"OH MY GOSH!!!"

Suddenly, I hear the unmistakable sound of skin on skin.

"Oh my gosh, OH MY GOSH, oh. my. GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!"

Slap-slap-slap.

"What can I do?" Slap-slap. "Oh. my.....gosh!"

"Yeah, yeah? YEAH! Uh huh."

Slap.

"Awwwwwwwwhhhhh."

My curiosity overtakes me and I look out the window to see

my neighbor on the phone, pacing outside her front door in her flip flops.

Sunday

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 02:08:49 GMT

I have been in a total snit most of the weekend. I got irritated by one thing and then I thought of twenty other notions that frustrate me further and next thing you know I'm disgusted with my life and everyone in it and can't stop feeling really sorry for myself. I'm sure that's normal, right? Anyway, after snit onset, I got cut off in the grocery store parking lot. My response was to lay on my horn, because damn it, I'm annoyed already and now you are in my fucking way you fucking fuck. I'm apparently a little tightly wound. It felt kinda nice being the jackass punching the horn for a moment.

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 17:55:04 GMT

I've had a difficult few weeks full of unexpected repairs that have left me feeling stressed, frustrated, annoyed, and generally like I'm on the wrong end of a karmic assault. I had a long entry here about the latest fiasco with my laptop, which I've deleted in favor of something relatively succinct:

1) My laptop crashes, hard, I can't use it(boo)
2) A man comes to my house and spends two hours fixing my laptop (yay)
3) My laptop crashes, hard, I can't use it again the next evening (boo)
4) I freak out to a challenged Dell technician who agrees to send me a new laptop (yay) but said laptop will take several weeks to arrive (boo)
5) I freak out to one of my best friends who drops everything to immediately run out with me and buy a 1 TB external hard drive that she's been planning on purchasing for awhile. She pays for it and hands it to me, in hopes that I can make the dead laptop work long enough to rescue my entire graduate school career (course lectures, course work, syllabi, articles, master's thesis, dissertation, miles of data, hours of work), my old website files, and, most importantly, hundreds of pictures from my trips to Maine, Cape Cod, Ireland, Hawaii, and the Caribbean. (yay and boo all rolled into one)
6) I press hard on my laptop's lower left corner, hold my breath, and hold down the power button. Laptop turns on and I spend a tense 40 minutes getting the majority of my life onto the external hard drive. (yay)

Which brings me to today and how it is funny how life works. In the midst of kicking myself for being a moron and not backing up FIVE YEARS worth of giant life events from a laptop that has been a, for lack of a better term, piece of shit from nearly day one, I entered two small contests and won both. The first was a set of towels from Robyn's giveaway last week. Before I won, I owned exactly two dishtowels, hand me downs from my Mom. I NEED more than two dishtowels in my life. Then today I won a pro flickr account from Miss Zoot. I have thought of buying myself a pro account forever, and now I finally have one! I will never have to worry about losing all my pictures again.

I know this is not the same as winning a giant sack of cash, but little things like this make me giddy. It's as though life knew I needed a bit of a pick me up and random chance threw me a rope. The statistician in me can't help but smile at that.

Neurotic cheapism

Fri, 23 May 2008 17:54:31 GMT

1) There is no recycling program at work. I am incapable of throwing stuff I know can be recycled away, so I bring it home with me to recycle. However, there is also no recycling at home. Which means that each week I save all the recyclable items from my desk and from my condo, bag them up, and dump them in my parent's recycle bin. By the time an object to be recycled gets from work to my parent's bin, it's traveled 25 miles.

2) I'm stupidly frugal in goofy as hell ways. I wash and reuse ziploc bags until they fall apart. I make microwave popcorn in a brown paper bag and save the kernels that don't pop to retry the next time. I won't put on the a/c for myself until it's 85 degrees in my condo and I am melting. Fortunately I don't subject my guests to the same absurd acts of self-denial that I engage in for myself. Please come visit so I have an excuse to cool off.

3) I've recently discovered hypermiling. Given that I'm one of the foolish people driving a 10 year old Pathfinder with a 15 city/20 highway mpg rating, I now drive like a confused 90 year old. I accelerate slooooowwwwlllyyyy and I try and coast to stop lights as much as I can, all in the interest of not going broke filling up my oversized vehicle. After I fill up, I excitedly yet slowly head home clutching my receipt in my hand, ready to compute how my miles per gallon for the last tank. So far I've gotten up to 20.6 (the point six matters, damn it) mpg city, so suck it estimated 15. As atrocious as that is, I feel like a rockstar. Also, as much as I've always been a lead foot and more likely to speed than go slow, I find myself getting a sick and twisted pleasure out of angering drivers riding my ass when I'm gradually accelerating in the right hand lane. Especially the Hummer drivers.

4) For the past two years I've had an overturned garbage can under my desk. I use it as an ottoman. Other than the ridges digging into my calves, it works fairly well. I could get someone to order me a foot rest, but why?

Hello again, hello

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 02:30:54 GMT

Ah Internet, you dangerous pit of information and hyperlinks. So writing that title led me to blingo all the lyrics which landed me on youtube watching a homemade video of Jazz Singer clips set to the song and next thing you know I'm perusing the related videos and blaring Love on The Rocks through my laptop speakers.

It's interesting to me how you spend your early childhood adoring all things your parents love followed by a substantial period of loathing all things your parents love only to get even older and once again appreciate those same items. For me, such is the case with Neil Diamond. My first four concerts were Neil Diamond concerts. My Mom and I stood in line for hours outside the old, obsolete Diamonds department store back in the days before Internet and Ticketmaster to buy tickets that landed us in the last row of the old coliseum known to the locals as the Madhouse on McDowell. I remember playing my America tape raw on my Fisher Price brown recorder/player. I composed intricate dance sequences to each song that carefully utilized each couch and chair in their living room. It's been over 20 years since I've listened to some of those songs, but I'm willing to bet I still know all the words.

As a teenager, I was embarrassed to be associated with Neil. America got sent to the bottom of the tape pile so I could blast Red Hot Chili Peppers and Pearl Jam instead. I was far too cool for the likes of Neil. I acknowledged his existence with contempt. In short, I was a stereotypical teenager. I'd like to think Neil sensed my deserting the fold of his multitude of female followers and tried to woo me back by making a Christmas album, a choice he struggled with as a Jew. To Jesus or not to Jesus, that was his question, and fortunately he chose to Jesus and rock out on Holy Night. But I digress.

After awhile I was indifferent to Neil. I like to refer to that time as my college years. My dance routines were forgotten but I no longer smote his name in casual conversation. I just didn't care anymore, he was a vague memory. But somewhere along the way as I stumbled into my mid twenties, a strange thing happened, Neil Diamond became cool. Suddenly bars were playing Sweet Caroline and people were singing along at the top of their lungs. In grad school I spent one memorable night learning the bastardized version of Sweet Caroline at the local cowboy bar and felt this odd sadness boiling up in me, an empathy for the man and anger at whomever decided Caroline was a lady of the night.

The next day I woke up hungover and hungry for the music of my youth. I spent many hours on Napster downloading Neil tunes to listen to while I worked on my thesis. It felt good to welcome my old friend back, if not for dancing at least for drinks. I was no longer embarrassed by our association, quite the opposite. Now I wanted to show off my vast lyrical knowledge to anyone who would listen. I may not be Barbra but I knew the flowers were not being brought, that a woman in Kentucky was ready to own you, and that Rosie crackled.

Nowadays I don't listen to Neil on a daily basis, but I enjoy a fix every now and again and I'm always happy to sing along whenever I am lucky enough to hear an old favorite on the radio. I'm proud of our relationship and eager to share it with others. It's hard to stay sad when Neil is playing, he has a way about him that makes you want to sing along.

I turned 32 yesterday. At work I take continuous good natured mocking for being young, but I'm not feeling all that young anymore. I look in the mirror and see the crow's feet by my eyes and grab for the collagen eye cream. I don't think age is changing me in a bad way, it's just striking to notice that I no longer look 18. In some ways I'm content and happy with the way my life is going. It is a life full of laughter and positive experiences for the most part. I'm in a good place in many facets of existence. I love my condo and my job is, for the most part, a good fit for me. I have a close local friend and a great pub to visit for a night out. The nagging lingering sadness for the life I wish I could have is quiet most of the time and I work hard at kicking it down and enjoying what I do have even if it doesn't include the things I wish I could have. And I think that is the best that anyone could hope for, really, a life of mostly content interspersed with moments of unadulterated joy. They may not be the exact moments of my daydreams but they are moments nonetheless, and for that I am so very grateful.

List type entry inspired by Dana.

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 18:19:49 GMT

If there is a cop car with it's lights flashing on the side of the freeway, do you slow down or stop entirely? Apparently in Arizona you come to a dead stop. Mind you there was no accident further down the road, just a lone cop car innocently blinking in the shoulder. All lanes of traffic though? Stopped. I need to get to work, could you please stop driving moronically?

If you are going to a hockey game in Phoenix, do you wear a Cubs hat? What about a Broncos jersey? Sporting events are not free for all displays of your personal admiration of sports. Not only are you showing support for the wrong sport, you aren't even wearing the sporting attire of a local team!

A tangent to this is Renaissance Festivals. Frilly skirts, corsets, and low cut blouses? Ok. Ninja outfits? NOT OK. It's not Halloween, there's a theme and you aren't adhering to it. Also, Jack Sparrow is not related to the Renaissance period. Is it so hard to display a vaguely accurate historical context?

Currently a road by my house is closed in one direction for 2 and a half months while they do something to it. It's the road I take to get to work and going around the construction makes my commute longer. I hate this, mostly because I'm not a morning person and I have to leave earlier to get to work at the same time. Since the road that is closed has a freeway entrance, there's a ton of traffic diverted onto a smaller road as a workaround.

Today as I pulled onto the smaller road, I notice two surveyors out taking measurements and I can't help thinking, really? You want to mess with this road now too? The amount of traffic is completely disproportionate due to the closure a street over, but go ahead, assume this is normal! Why not rip it up at the same time so I can go even further out of my way?! Please sir may I have some more?

Apparently I am grouchy and in need of a hug.

Sense of temperature destroyed

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:42:21 GMT

I have a 30 second walk from my front door to my carport in the mornings. During the summer, a lot of times it's pushing 95 here at 7:45 or so when I leave the condo. This morning though I felt a cool breeze and thought, "Must be a storm coming! Or maybe summer is thinking about ending!"

My car has a temperature gauge. My cool breeze was 87 degrees.

Morning Commute

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 21:42:51 GMT

Things one can have fly out of the back of a truck or car in front of them while doing 75 on the 202 through Tempe at 7:45 a.m.:

- A large box of paper containing approximately 1000 unstapled sheets which the wind plasters against your dust covered windshield

- A paint bucket, empty, subsequently run over and dragged approximately 1.27 miles beneath the front bumper (Note: if this happens to you, it's loud)

- Plastic bags. Don't bother trying to dodge these, it's futile.

- Tires, be they shredded from a blowout or in their natural, full round state. These make quiet thumping noises when you can't avoid them.

- Ladders (Note: try not to hit these, they leave a mark)

- Twelve pack of diet coke. Fizzy.

- Cardboard boxes, 50/50 chance of running over an empty rather than one full of dinner plates (Note: Styrofoam peanuts are a bitch to pry out of your radiator)

- Homemade cassette mix tapes

- Clothing

- Mattress, queen size

- Illegal Alien, Hispanic variety

Driving here is a risky obstacle course of materialism and humanity.

Status Quo

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:32:34 GMT

I tend to only think of writing here when I'm extremely happy or extremely depressed and I keep the depressed entries friend locked because no one needs to stumble upon those thoughts by accident. Today I'm sort of in between, not thrilled with life but not despondent. I'm trying this crazy new fangled thing called eating somewhat healthily and exercising regularly. So far this is the sixth week of me doing this and while my actions are far from perfect, I've made myself exercise 5-6 days a week during this time no matter what. I find that the time when I exercise is the only portion of the day when I'm not thinking about anything beyond the movements of my arms and legs and the sounds of me gasping for air. It's kind of refreshing to be able to clear my mind and just let myself be for 30 minutes or an hour. Logically I know it's good for me and it's becoming less of a struggle to put on my workout clothes at the end of the day. I feel like it's something I have to do, that it's not an option, and I don't even resent the fact that I'm going to give up some of my free time in order to do so. I'm not seeing too many changes in my body yet beyond a bit more muscle, but I'm ok with that, oddly so. I'm actually surprised how zen I'm being about the notion of a long path to becoming healthy and happy with how I look. I've been reading pastaqueen's journal and find her inspiring. She makes the excellent point here that, "I'm getting older no matter what. I may as well use my time getting healthier and skinnier." And that's really it, isn't it? I'm going to age regardless, might as well try and enjoy how I feel being me while I do so.

So that's where I'm at. Still rather cynical and bitter about many things, but a bit more vitamin fortified.

P.S. I've been commenting more than usual in various places the last few weeks with my URL. If you happen to be reading this because of that, I'll friend anyone who's interested, just comment here.

Stuck in my head tonight.

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 05:22:29 GMT

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova - Falling Slowly

Sing Along

A Logical Truth

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 18:32:11 GMT

http://view.break.com/311805

Anam_cara_ posted this and I think it's worth watching. Charts like the one he uses make me giddy and crave a white board of my own. Logic is happiness.

Happy Birthday Juli!

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 20:31:44 GMT

Juli,

You are my most favorite two year old. I hope your birthday is full of happiness.

Love,

Aunt Cindy

Tiki Torch

Fri, 25 May 2007 19:09:56 GMT

During my vacation, I spent every night sitting outside. I didn't watch TV except for 30 minutes of public access, on which they were giving out awards to high school student videos and it fascinated me so much that I couldn't look away. For the record? Teenagers in Hawaii are every bit as awkward as teenagers here, only they have way better views for their swordfights with bananas and skateboards (yeah, it didn't make any sense to me either).

But I digress! So each night we sat on the lanai (fancy word for porch) in our respective chairs, which never varied the entire trip. We do the same thing when she visits my condo, end up sitting in the same locations the entire weekend. It's sort of odd.

And I digress again! Every night we sat and watched the sunset as we sipped a beer or rum drink. About 10 minutes into twilight, a man would come around with a blow torch and light the tiki torches, of which there were two nearby, one very nearly directly in front of us. This was the closer of the two and it mesmerized us. The variations in color and movement as the wind increased or decreased were hypnotizing, especially in concert with the sounds of the waves crashing along the rocky shoreline.

On Monday evening, we both sat in silence focused on the tiki torch in this picture. As I stared at the flame, I wasn't really thinking anything profound, hell, I wasn't thinking of much at all, and it was incredibly relaxing to be able to just sit and be still in both mind and body. At 10 pm the guy came around to turn off the torches for the evening, and we both were sad to see our little flame slowly shrink and eventually disappear altogether. I told it to, "fight the man!" and I feel it put up a solid effort to hang on a few moments longer thanks to my plea.

There are few moments in my life when I'm not pensive, worried, contemplative, concerned, or anxious. It is a constant struggle to silence the thoughts of self-doubt and inadequacy that plague me. The evenings I spent listening to the wind, the surf, and the wind chime while focused upon the complexities of a simple gas flame were serene and restorative for me.

Who knew a little firelight could mean so much?

My view right now.

Wed, 16 May 2007 22:18:19 GMT

My view right now.
Originally uploaded by Cindy9000.

Life isn't bad with a view like this, not bad at all. The plumeria blossoms smell amazing, and it's like we've entered a tropical wonderland, although I've yet to photograph any of the various plants surrounding us. We're spellbound with our view. Last night we just sat at the table for hours listening to the waves and looking at the stars. We ate dinner out here and tonight we're going to grill up some Mahi Mahi and veggies on the gas grills that are literally right outside our door.

They are going to have to drag me away next week.

Airport #2

Tue, 15 May 2007 23:07:11 GMT

I seem to be touring free wifi airports today. So I'm on my layover in Honolulu and holy shit is this airport DATED. Seriously, this is the exact same airport the Bradys flew into on their Hawaii visit all those years ago when the voodoo necklace tried to take out Greg in a giant wave. There are almost no signs anywhere and it's just a confusing set up. I did manage to walk instead of taking the bus between areas, but every other door was blocked or something. And the loudspeakers must have a giant Don Ho 8-track hooked up to them based on what I'm hearing.

Ant recommended the macademia nut ice cream here, and I have to say, it was very tasty! There are ominous looking clouds in the sky that I'm really hoping are unique to Oahu and not going to follow me over to Maui. I'll try an add a picture later, because right now I'm just enjoying being off the plane.

My plane was full, which I wasn't expecting. The seats on the larger planes are actually shittier than the seats on the traditional planes. There is so little space that everyone needs to put their seat backs up when they serve a meal because it's physically impossible to reach your tray when someone is reclining in front of you.

The lady next to me had her elbow in my side the entire six hours. I sat there composing a passenger's bill of rights in my head about the proper etiquette for sharing the arm rest. She overstepped the boundries in a big way, and I had to surrepticiously shove my elbow in when she was asleep to get even 15 minutes of time. She also didn't get up the entire flight, and I didn't want to bug her more than once to use the bathroom, which I did when we first got on the plane. As a charming reward for my staying put all those hours, I walked into the bathroom here to find my period had started unexpectedly and I would need to be doing laundry. Damn.

There is an eight year old boy next to me in a hawaiian shirt, a lei, and sunglasses. If I could sneak a picture of him, I would. Adorable.

More later, maybe!

De plane boss, de plane!

Tue, 15 May 2007 13:47:03 GMT

De plane boss, de plane!
Originally uploaded by Cindy9000.

After four hours of sleep, a shower, an early ride to the airport, and 45 minutes in the security line, this is my current view. The bag checker didn't weigh my bag and told me, "Mahalo" which I'm choosing to believe roughly translates to, "we're both going to overlook the 50 pound limit and 80 dollar extra charge just this once!" Now I'm listening to people having a loud conversation behind me and wishing they'd keep it down. It's MUCH too early for happy chatter.

I'm going to Hawaii!

Wednesday

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 07:16:53 GMT

Kindly do me the favor of sending good thoughts towards central Pennsylvania today. One of my best friends is having her final dissertation defense at 1 pm. I know it will go well and I'm thrilled for her, but every positive vibe counts when you're standing in front of a verbal firing squad for two hours. It's a tough moment and since I can't be there in person, I want to be there in spirit with reinforcements. So if you can spare a moment, think, "good luck, Sarah" around 1 pm EST.

Thank you!

The day

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 00:44:59 GMT

The good:

1) Two homemade cakes, one a pineapple upside down cake and one a cheesecake.

2) Several sweet phone calls to wish me well.

3) Several instant messages wishing the same.

The not so good:

1) Friends and co-workers in really bad places today.

2) This week is just filled with sadness, and this year was more of the same.

3) First thing I had to do this morning was plunge my toilet.

All in all, a fair birthday. Now I'm home on my couch. No plans tonight, and I'm taking tomorrow off.

Two Things

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 18:10:54 GMT

1) I think I'm going to buy myself this
with my tax refund and b-day gift money. I know I'm getting old when I covet a floor cleaning robot.

2) I got distracted and can't remember the second thing. Another sign of aging.

Why this week?

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 00:34:33 GMT

The number of truly horrific acts of death and destruction that have taken place during this particular part of the year makes me sad.

Wednesday Thoughts

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 20:04:05 GMT

My eyes are bugging me. I'm fairly sure it's allergies from all the blooming things here right now. My condo is surrounded by orange trees and their blossoms are out in force at the moment. The pollen is literally coating my staircase outside. For awhile I couldn't figure out why my stove seemed to be getting dusty daily. Monday night it suddenly occured to me that the pollen was coming in through the open window screen and was most obvious on the black stovetop. Kinda crazy.

What else? My work is being kind and giving us a spring break. I have the rest of the week off and I plan to relax a bit. I will be traveling the next two months, possibly three if I have my way. I've applied for a two week fellowship at Vanderbilt this summer so I'm hoping to be heading there for the final two weeks of June. I've never been to Nashville, or Tennessee for that matter, so it would be great to have the chance to have a free trip there through this program.

I think my worlds are going to collide at the national conference when my boss meets my advisor. I'm sure it'll be fine, but just thinking about it makes my head spin a bit.

I'm still lonely a lot but dealing with things. I have many ways of keeping busy, and these past few weeks have been full of activity. Amy spent the weekend here looking for places to live and it was a great taste of what it will be like when she moves here, having someone to go out and do things with. Just going out to dinner and the Irish bar this weekend that we'll probably be frequenting when she moves here was a lot of fun for me. This area has a bunch of fun things to see and do, I just don't want to do them all alone. I know it's silly, nothing is stopping me from going and experiencing things independently, but I just don't think it is as enjoyable by myself. I crave conversations and laughter and interactions with someone outside of my co-workers.

Absurdity Personified

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 01:05:58 GMT

I'm catching up on my DVR recordings this week. I'm still impressively behind in watching everything I record, because I record everything.

Tonight I'm watching a few of the Colbert Reports I hadn't seen yet. This interview and the logic this guest seems to believe makes me shake my head sadly at society.

Cha-Cha-Changes

Thu, 15 Feb 2007 21:42:31 GMT

I think I'm going to start updating here, since my school account is expiring on Monday. Maybe I'll even buy a real account for myself, you never can tell.

Stupid Servers

Tue, 21 Nov 2006 04:14:19 GMT

Service Temporarily Unavailable
The server is temporarily unable to service your request due to maintenance downtime or capacity problems. Please try again later.
Apache/1.3.27 Server at portal.psu.edu Port 443

I'm not being defeated in this painful daily posting thing by a server, I won't go down without a fight!